Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Open Diary: You Think You Know But You Have No Idea

I was encouraged to write a blog talking about the things that are currently going on in my life, the struggle I face in pursuit of my dreams and my everyday happenings. After hearing the idea I knew it was a great concept but I was terrified to say the least. As I always say, I'm not one to get too personal and expose my life to the outside world. Not because I don't want to expose my flaws but the sense of vunerability is a bit uncomfortable and vunerable is not something I just do. Although my stomach is turning as I type.. I know this will be a great read sooooo HERE WE GO!

Everyday I fight. I fight to be recognized, acknowledged and thought of. I'm a model and I'm great at what I do but I haven't found the right person/people to propel myself to the next level. There is nothing more disheartening then knowing you possess talent and the world seems to be blinded to it. 4-5 days a week I put on my T-Mobile shirt to sell and troubleshoot phones for customers but while I'm helping them all I can think is "Damn this is not my dream.. While I'm helping them I could be in NY going to agencies and getting my name out there!" Don't get me wrong.. I thank God for my job and all it has provided me with BUT this is not the life for me. I'm not meant to work here for the rest of my life.. that's just not in my cards. Everytime I visit New York City I feel as though someone has returned the breath to my body and a great fire has been lit inside of me.

With the daydreaming of being on the covers of magazines, starring in major motion pictures and envisioning myself on the Victoria's Secret Runway I am faced with my reality. I am a 24 year old college graduate working in a field that has NOTHING to do with my degree and I am tired of watching others obtain "success". I don't have the time to sit at my computer and promote myself all day and I don't have the extra money to pay someone else to do it. It can be a bit frustrating watching others living my dream although I know I'm here for a reason.

Growing up adults would always say "Stay young forever" and I would respond "Nope.. I can't wait til' I'm grown!" but not I wish I could go back to the days where I had no cares. No responsibilites. No student loans. No car payments. No rent. No drama... just fun, the 3 ft. pool in the back yard and Now and Laters lol. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made in my past because they've made me the mature adult I have (by the grace of God) turned out to be. In spite of my struggles and everyday battles to get out of the bed and do the very things I don't want to do until I get to where I can do the things I want to... I remain happy.

To anyone with a dream.. keep going. You never know how close you are. Listen to the voice of God.. it won't lead you astray. Keep me in your prayers and I will definitely keep you in mines! Oh and do me a favor.. if you see me promoting myself help a sista out and tell your friends because I can't do this alone lol!


1 comment:

  1. Excellent.. continue striving for your dream, nothing in life can just be handed to us and it seems like the struggle is neverending but when you finally reach the top you will have a new found appreciation for it all because of the path you traveled to get there.. (= I'm rooting for you!!