The bonnet. The Scarf. The Wrap. Whatever you use to protect your hair ladies... the men are talking about it.
During my visit to Chicago I had a conversation with my cousin Aja about wrapping your hair when you're in the presence of a man and if it's okay. We both are years into our natural hair journey and love our hair, especially after all of the hard work we have put in. Of course we are both pro scarf because maintaining our hair is priority but there are some men who don't feel the same.
As I sat down to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta about a month ago, the camera is in the bathroom with Kandi as she's getting ready for bed. In walks her husband, Todd, as she's putting on her scarf. Todd makes a remark about the scarf along the lines of (excuse me while I paraphrase from my terrible memory) "Oh you have to put that on now?" and Kandi's response was "Yes. I have to preserve my hair." She then has a part where she says "If someone can come up with an alternative for me to keep my hair nice at night and I can wake up in the morning and just go I'll use it but until then the scarf stays."
Ladies... if he doesn't want you to wrap your hair he doesn't care about your edges. Gentlemen let me break this down for you. Most of you have cotton pillow cases. Cotton pillow cases will snag hair, especially curly hair, as you're rolling around in your slumber. Over a period of time hair will start to break of from the snags of your pillow and before you know if your girl has fake baby hair gelled down to the sides of her head all because she wanted you to be attracted to her while she slept. Cotton pillowcases also soak up the necessary oils to keep hair moisturized and healthy.
So Ladies if you're dating and finding yourself in a debate over your bonnet here's a compromise. 1. Bring a silk pillowcase. He doesn't want your hair wrapped but he didn't say you couldn't protect your hair otherwise. This allows him to feel like he can roll over and not feel like he's sleeping with Aunt Jeminma and you keep to keep your edges. Win! 2. If you don't have a silk pillowcase bring of your scarf but tie it around the pillow. The hair will still be on flee. No worries. 3. If all else fails and he still won't budge he can either a. Pay for your frequent visits to the hair salon because you will need the maintenance for what he wants or b. Find someone who is a little more understanding.
Now.. last but not least. Intimacy and the head wrap. Dun dun dunnnnn..
Well... you're just going to have to unwrap to wrap it again. If it's the middle of the night he may just have to endure but if you can control it try to keep the sexy going just for theme needed. Depending on how much sweat is required and what hairstyle you have to preserve I suggest you communicate to your partner that you absolutely need the scarf. That is the only exception. I'm not a fan of anyone sweating out the blowout lol. If your partner doesn't mind the wrap then go for it. If they do... you can either a. sweat it out b. ask him for the funds to get it redone c. pack your bonnet and go.
I want to know what you all think! Feel free to comment because this is an ongoing debate.
Desaree
Monday, July 6, 2015
Trouble don't last always: Open Diary
Why have I been missing?
There is nothing more frustrating than writing a blog and constantly hearing the "thoughts" of others in your head. I experience this every time I write a post and there have been times where I could push through but for the most part I'm finding it very difficult. There comes a point where the voices of others speak louder than your own and frankly I'm over it. I'm tired of the self doubt. I'm tired of wondering if I'm going to offend someone. I'm tired of wondering if my words will be taken out of context. There's nothing more frustrating for a creative then boundaries and limitations but how do you beat them when they're coming out of your own mind?
This is one of my flaws. The fact that I can't drown out the voices kills me. It keeps me from being my true self. My true free spirit. Censorship and limitations get under my skin. There was a time where I could tune them out but honestly I haven't been doing what I need to to make that possible. What do I normally do.. let me explain.
Going to church is a big part of who I am. Not only because I was raised there but fellowship is something that makes me like at home. Being surrounded by likeminded individuals and being able to bounce ideas off of them makes things so much easier. I have found a church home but due to my busy schedule, making it to church on Sunday is nearly impossible. My prayer life is struggling and my lack of connection when it comes to friendships in NYC... well quite frankly I'm in a place I've never been before. Often lonely and shut off from the outside world my life has taken a turn in a direction I couldn't anticipate. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not miserable. I'm not depressed. I'm just an individual trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that doesn't suit my personality. I'm quiet at work. I'm pretty quiet at home. No real outlet for me to really express myself.. so in a way I've become a shell. Lol.. that didn't sound as depressing in my head. Sorry guys.. back to the point.
Having a relationship with God and being aligned with his purpose for my life is what I need to be on track. I'm working on that. Reading the Bible.. fellowshipping.. praying.. fasting (Lord only knows the last time I did that). Those are the things I need to do to get this thing back on track. Funny how we always know what we need to do but doing it is the hard part. Oh and I need to work out.. consistently. Yikes. My younger sister is a beast in the gym and I'm over here paying for a membership and I go every once in a while lol #fail.
I guess this blog was more of a therapy session more than anything. Thanks for reading.
I always pray that my posts help at least one person. There is someone out there going through the same thing I am and if I can give them some sort of clarity or make them feel like they're not alone then so be it. To whomever this may touch please know that you're not alone and this is a temporary state. Trouble don't last always.
Desaree
There is nothing more frustrating than writing a blog and constantly hearing the "thoughts" of others in your head. I experience this every time I write a post and there have been times where I could push through but for the most part I'm finding it very difficult. There comes a point where the voices of others speak louder than your own and frankly I'm over it. I'm tired of the self doubt. I'm tired of wondering if I'm going to offend someone. I'm tired of wondering if my words will be taken out of context. There's nothing more frustrating for a creative then boundaries and limitations but how do you beat them when they're coming out of your own mind?
This is one of my flaws. The fact that I can't drown out the voices kills me. It keeps me from being my true self. My true free spirit. Censorship and limitations get under my skin. There was a time where I could tune them out but honestly I haven't been doing what I need to to make that possible. What do I normally do.. let me explain.
Going to church is a big part of who I am. Not only because I was raised there but fellowship is something that makes me like at home. Being surrounded by likeminded individuals and being able to bounce ideas off of them makes things so much easier. I have found a church home but due to my busy schedule, making it to church on Sunday is nearly impossible. My prayer life is struggling and my lack of connection when it comes to friendships in NYC... well quite frankly I'm in a place I've never been before. Often lonely and shut off from the outside world my life has taken a turn in a direction I couldn't anticipate. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not miserable. I'm not depressed. I'm just an individual trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that doesn't suit my personality. I'm quiet at work. I'm pretty quiet at home. No real outlet for me to really express myself.. so in a way I've become a shell. Lol.. that didn't sound as depressing in my head. Sorry guys.. back to the point.
Having a relationship with God and being aligned with his purpose for my life is what I need to be on track. I'm working on that. Reading the Bible.. fellowshipping.. praying.. fasting (Lord only knows the last time I did that). Those are the things I need to do to get this thing back on track. Funny how we always know what we need to do but doing it is the hard part. Oh and I need to work out.. consistently. Yikes. My younger sister is a beast in the gym and I'm over here paying for a membership and I go every once in a while lol #fail.
I guess this blog was more of a therapy session more than anything. Thanks for reading.
I always pray that my posts help at least one person. There is someone out there going through the same thing I am and if I can give them some sort of clarity or make them feel like they're not alone then so be it. To whomever this may touch please know that you're not alone and this is a temporary state. Trouble don't last always.
Desaree
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