Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Beauty in The Now

There is something freeing when you can identify one of the constant themes that are being shown in your life. It could be expressing yourself creatively more, being nicer to people or taking your time with things. Today I got a chance to reflect and noticed that I am constantly being reminded to let things be. There are times when you go out and make things happen but there are others where you have to sit back and allow them to take care of themselves.

I work very hard for everything I have. At a young age my parents instilled a strong work ethic in me. I would watch them work excessive hours to make sure that we could live comfortably. When they owned a hair salon my mom would have me come over and sweep, wash hair and answer the phone. At the time I thought it was fun (for the first hour) but I didn't realize what they were really doing. Now I can be a bit of a work horse and I don't know when to quit. Relaxing is very hard for me because I always feel like there is something to be done or if I do go to sleep I could miss out on an opportunity.

Lately I've kicked the pursuit of my career into overdrive. I'm constantly on my phone sending emails, checking for castings, trying to network and searching for any sign of success. Unfortunately this has led me to overanalyzing everything and worrying that I'm not doing enough. Living in the now can make it easy to forget your traveled journeys. Society has this idea that if you're not up all night, taking great risks and living for your dream that you're not working hard enough. I believe in hard work but driving yourself into insanity prevents you from being able to perform when it's time for your dream to become reality.

What I'm saying is that it is okay to take a break. It is ok to be human. It is ok to enjoy living in the now without dedicating your every moment to your future. You be alive and still not living. If something isn't happening for you today.. go and take a walk in the park. Admire the beauty in your situation. Read a new book. Go visit a loved one and create memories that will last forever. Life is about the moments we create and the memories that live on. Living for the future is great but don't forget to enjoy your present state. There's beauty in it all. We may not be where we want to be but we're better than before. Each day is a blessing and I'm glad that God took the chance to remind me of that. So you beautiful people... go out and do something different and spontaneous. That thing you've been dying to do... stop waiting and GO. You'll thank me later ;-)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Just Unloading This Brain of Mine

Writing a blog post has been very hard lately. There was a time when the words seem to flow so easily. I could have a conversation with a person about something so simple and I would be immediately inspired. Unfortunately I haven't been able to do that in a VERY long time. I'm sure some of that is due to my lack of clarity in life. I promise you my brain has a circus going on inside of it. There are people performing multiple acts at the same time, animals running around, lights, fire blowing and sirens sounding praying that one person will pay attention. I know that my issue is that I don't take the time to unload my brain but how do you write in your journal about thoughts that you can't seem to gather?

I don't want you guys to think that I have forgotten about my blog but I'm trying to figure my way through life right now. I have reached a point in my 20's where I have to make very important decisions about my future and this ish is cra-zy! Like I don't understand why I wasn't warned about all of this. While I was in college the world seemed to be this big ocean just waiting for me to swim through it to my success, but no one mentioned the troubled waters. No one mentioned that once you hit a certain age everyone starts pressuring you to "Be Great". No one mentioned that everyone would make me feel like an old hag because I don't have children at my age. No one mentioned that whether you like politics you will be forced to play a part in them at some point with or without you consent. No one mentioned that the older you get the more expensive you are. I mean seriously though I have to use a credit card that has money on it that technically isn't mine, just to pay you back to show you that I have the ability to pay people back on time?!!? lol Cheese and rice.

Living in New York has definitely been mind blowing in a good way. I've made  A LOT of connections and gained some great experience so far. The people who are important were quickly revealed. It's ironic how before I left everyone wanted to see me but now I'm lucky if I get a phone call from those people. I'm not mad about it but I was reminded quickly of the lessons I learned in college. It's so important to hold the people who genuinely care about you close. There are a lot of individuals who will promise you that they're on your team but will be nowhere to be found when you're in need of an ear. There will be people only in your life to take from you what they can and they have no intent on filling you back up. Unfortunately most of this is learned the hard way but there are times when we ignore that little voice telling us that someone isn't any good. No worries I haven't had anyone treat me wrong here but I have had LOTS of time to think about things since I spend a lot of time alone. My daily epiphanies are at an all-time high. lol

Ok I'm done rambling. I'm not sure if anyone will read this but hey I definitely got a little off my chest. Until next time...

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Open Diary: Hello New York!!!

(Cuts on Jay-Z - Holy Grail)
It's been a while! Hello everyone! Much has changed. Living life in New York is very different and I'm definitely going through an adjustment period but I'm very happy that I'm here nonetheless.

Living in New Jersey my whole life has given me one perspective on this huge world that we live in. I haven't lived far from my family at any point in life so there have been many tears shed on my end lol. It's funny now but I had a few meltdowns because part of me knew that things were going to change drastically. I was going to see my family, friends and boyfriend a lot less and that scared the crap out of me. Everything I knew to be familiar was no longer going to be in immediate reach and that was pretty nerve wracking. BUT I'm here and in a few days I will be making my one month mark and I'm proud.

Although challenging there have been nothing but great things happening since I've gotten into New York. I've networked with a lot of people, booked a few jobs including runway shows for New York Fashion Week and being closer to the city has given me the ability to just get up and go to last minute things I couldn't while living in South Jersey. I haven't heard if I booked the job yet but I auditioned to be a model on Project Runway. That in itself is BIG compared to where I was a month ago. Prior to moving I was struggling to find paid work, couldn't find representation and I wasn't sure if I could do this anymore. Being caught in the vicious cycle of working a full-time job but trying to pursue a career was leaving me stressed, tired and missing many opportunities. God has truly looked me out since I made the decision to pursue modeling whole-heartedly. I thank him for giving me the strength to do the inevitable. It took a little longer than expected but as I look back I know I wasn't ready to move. Had I moved to New York by myself as I planned years ago I wouldn't have lasted long. There were many lessons I had to learn and people I had to meet in order to get to who I am now. As crazy as it feels typing this... all those crazy customers from The Sugarhouse Casino helped me build a SUPER thick skin and they taught me to let things roll off my shoulders. Everyone will have their thoughts and perceptions of you but all that matters is what you think of yourself. My co-workers also helped me come out of my shell. They play a big part in why I stopped making excuses and decided to go out and do a lot of the things that I always wanted to.

As I enter my next month here I'm super excited for all that's to come. I'm praying that I wasn't too real on this post but hey (Kanye shrug) who cares lol. Love you guys and stay inspired!!!


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Confessions of a Big Dreamer: The A'Man'dments: The Things We Wish Women Knew Ab...

Since I gave advice from the ladies to the men in '6 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew' here's the mans version giving insight to things they wish women knew!! Take a look!
Confessions of a Big Dreamer: The A'Man'dments: The Things We Wish Women Knew Ab...: "You might see me in the streets, but homie you don't KNOW...ME!" T.I., "You Don't Know Me" The quot...

Monday, June 24, 2013

6 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew...

Ladies... I'm sure we all can agree when we say that we would love for men to have a handbook on things they should and should not do when it comes to women. Unfortunately the many books that have been written cannot sum up everything without being the biggest book known to man. So, here I am to share 6 tips to all the guys out there that can help you with some things you may not have known or just can not understand when it comes to the ladies.

6. Sensitivity is great but I don't need you
       to be more sensitive than me.
There was a time I prayed to God and asked him for a list full of things that I wanted in a man, including sensitivity. I had previously encountered a really insensitive and emotionally unavailable guy who left me feeling empty and I just knew that a sensitive man was the answer. BOY was I wrong. I found "Mr. Sensitive" and he cried more than I did when we argued. I felt like I had to take the lead on everything and eventually came to the conclusion that he had higher estrogen levels than me. Gentlemen, I would like to tell you firsthand that no female wants to feel like she is "the man" or "more masculine" than you. Although we may test you and attempt to wear the pants, every woman appreciates a man who can be emotionally available but still be the captain when necessary. If something is bothering me or I'm having one of many meltdowns, a listening ear and advice is greatly appreciated. What a woman doesn't want in this situation is to break out the tissues for herself AND her man while she explains how someone upset her at work. So, although things may seem a bit overwhelming in an argument over the last bit of Cheetos, save the waterworks for a more serious matter.

5. Work as hard to keep me, as you did to get me.
Ladies enjoy being courted, plain and simple. Most men are smart enough to recognize this. Whether the intent is to pursue something more or just sleep with the female guys know they have to show some sort of interest  in order to reach their goal. Unfortunately, after time lapses we enter the place that can be referred to as 'the comfortable phase'. This is the time period when the flowers stop coming, the back rubs are few and far inbetween and Madden becomes more important than what she's explaining on the other end of the phone. As females we tend to reminisce on "the good times" and remember when you would call in the middle of the night to say 'I love you' or stop by her job because you need to see her OR when you posted pictures of me on Facebook because you NEEDED the world to know your girl is taken. These are the things that get a girl to fall head over heels for you and these are the things we never want to end. We understand that flowers all the time is far from realistic but don't forget to remind your lady that she's special. Treat her to a day at the spa, surprise her with dinner or do something corny make a collage of pictures of you two and give them to her.

4. Shoes, Handbags, Clothes, and Makeup:
       We have a lot.. SO WHAT!
Just like you are obsessed with your car, video games and whatever else you guys take great pride in... we feel the same about our shoes, clothes and everything else it takes to look great on a daily basis. Enough said.

3. If I'm Expected to Look Like Barbie, Be prepared to be Ken
Every girl wants to be perfect for her man. We enjoy getting dressed up on date nights just for you to show us off. The problem comes when women are expected to go to sleep and wake up looking like they stepped of the page of a magazine. Unfortunately the media bombards us with constant pictures of women who have huge boobs and butts from here to Zimbabwe but they fail to show the surgeries and glam squads that it took for those girls to look like that. SO I say this.. if everyday women are expected to look like Kim Kardashian pre-baby Kanye then we need our men to look just as great. I mean I should be able to wash my clothes on your abs and you better have the Ken Doll V (ladies know what I mean).

2. PDA. Please and Thank You.
Public Display of Affection is (in Jay-Z voice) So Necessary. The type of display is to be determined by the individuals involved but there is nothing better than showing the world you're crazy about the girl you're with. There may be a few remarks from the haters but hey who cares? I'm not sure where but I have come to the conclusion PDA is in the female DNA. Holding hands, quick pecks and of course forehead kisses mean the world. I'm not saying go full exhibitionist style and get freaky in the park with people watching (unless that's what you're into..no judgment lol) but don't be afraid to pat your girl on the butt in front of some strangers from time to time ;)

1. If I say 5 minutes, multiply that by 6.
(Giggle) Unfortunately a majority of women don't possess the gene to be ready on time. If a girl says she's a few minutes away or she'll be dressed in 5 minutes... be prepared to wait a little longer. It's not that we don't care about your time or where we have to be it's just that we want to look Perfect!! Now this rule can be applied across the board. Hair, makeup, driving.... oh and anything dealing with intimacy... ALWAYS multiply that by 6 lol.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Self Worth: You ARE Good Enough

As we embrace 2013 and move swiftly into the month of February I must say this year has started off on a great note. I have had the opportunity to work with photographers I only dreamed of in the beginning of my career and I also booked my first campaign (Thank you Lord!).

With all of the joy I have now I must say that 2012 was a very trying year. I experienced the greatest amount of change in such short periods of time last year. After my engine gave out on my Honda I had to purchase a new car, I moved back home, started a new job and started working towards my career on another level. Let's just say change isn't my friend so I was freaking out every so often because everything was out of my control. With all of the great new things that were coming into my life I still had the feeling that I didn't deserve them.
Please Hear me on this.. I was driving a car that I loved and always wanted but I couldn't accept the fact that it was mine. I walked into the dealership with NO money to put down and got approved to drive off the lot with no cosigner. I worked hard to pay my bills on time and keep my credit up to par yet I didn't feel like that car was meant to be mine. Part of me felt like once I got comfortable someone would come around and take it from me or something would go wrong because I don't have anything come to me easily. This was just one of many instances where I heard the voice in my head saying "You're not good enough... this is too good to be true.. you know something has to go wrong because this is too right." I did this to MYSELF and without knowing I sent my esteem down the path of "not good enough".

As I reflect on these moments I am not ashamed. I know that these things are what molds and shapes me to be the person I'm meant to be. I accept that I felt that way but that is the past. No longer will I continue to live in dismay and despair. I deserve nothing but happiness, prosperity, and the blessings that God has for me. My career is headed in a great direction and I am accomplishing things that I never thought I could.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don't let that voice in the back of your mind convince you that you don't belong or you aren't entitled to great things! The moment you stop holding yourself back is the moment you start to live. You ARE good enough. You work hard, you sacrifice, you are giving, you are thoughtful... why shouldn't you reap the harvest of your labor??
I've declared 2013 as my year of Prosperity and Good Enough. I accept everything that is on its way to my life and I know that it's mine because I've worked for it! Start believing in yourself again! There is no one on earth more deserving than you!! There may be things that you have done that you are ashamed of or you feel disqualify you from anything good but know that those things are in the PAST. There is a time for redemption and that day is today! I'm not sure who I'm speaking to but please know that this is for YOU. Never give up and keep striving!!!