Instagramification

Instagramification.

A condition that more and more people are suffering from on a daily basis. Symptoms include but are not limited to: Deleting a picture/video after it does not reach a certain amount of likes. Posting pictures/videos that you know will elicit "thirsty" behavior i.e. half naked photos, eggplant Friday worthy material, etc. Refraining from posting a photo that wasn't taken in the perfect lighting and with perfect makeup. Trying to befriend people who have a huge following in order to acquire more followers.

Instagram is a great social media platform that has allowed its users to connect and build an audience by one simple thing, imagery. It has opened the doors to many artists, poets, singers, actors, etc. to showcase their work and build their brand. Unfortunately, on the flipside Instagram has also created a complex for others. Let me explain...

You're out for the night with some of your best friends. You're taking pictures all night long enjoying yourselves. Everyone knows that you don't post pictures after midnight, unless you're Kim Kardashian, so you decide to wait until the morning so everyone can wake and see you having the time of your life! 9 am hits and it's time. After picking the perfect filter (Valencia, duh) your picture is officially posted. Let the likes roll in!!! 1.. 4...12...29... and then... it slows down. After an hour you only have 37 likes. Then the crazy thoughts begin ."Umm... is my Instagram broken? Are people still sleeping? I normally have 77 Likes by this time. Oh! I see what's happening... they're hating because I went out and had a good time and they were stuck in the house with their boring lives. Did I not contour correctly? Maybe my dress wasn't as cute as I thought it was." ...and the list continues.

The "likes" and "following" are driving us crazy people. If we don't have what we perceive as enough the thoughts of inadequacy start to creep in. Let's not mention the users who have turned into total divas after they build a following. They have 2,000+ followers and then booking information pops up in their bio, along with the word "model" yet they have no representation. But I digress.

One of the scariest parts of all of this is the kids. Children are using Instagram and viewing all kinds of imagery. I know it because I see the things that they feel are important. The young guys are posting  every angle of their Jordans, their money I mean allowance, and then the random photo of them blowing smoke into the camera. Which.. by the way is the dumbest thing ever. People. If I've NEVER said anything educated before in my life... here it goes... STOP POSTING PHOTOS OF YOUR WEED ON THE INTERNET. The police observe it and will use it against you in the court of law. You don't think you're that important until you have a knock at your door. And no, your page being private does NOT make you exempt lol.
Back on track... the young girls are scaring me as well. The influx of THOT behavior has taken over my timeline. Yes, it will get you likes. It's been proven time and time again.. without failure. The thirst is real enough to where people will like your half naked pictures, however once it's out there it's out there. There's no need for you to remove your clothing for gratification. Ha, I guess that's funny because I model lingerie and swimwear. But modeling is my career. If that's your career choice then by all means, but if you're supposed to be in your 2nd period class but you're in the school bathroom posting pictures in your bra we have to reevaluate some things.

Last but not least... the fitness/perfect body craze. We've all seen it. That guy with the perfect abs. The girl with the tiniest waist line and the booty that Sir Mix A Lot was talking about (if you don't know who Sir Mix A Lot is... just Google him youngin lol). Yes we all follow them. We know them. We go to the gym with their body in mind. Inspiration. Motivation. All is well until you find yourself constantly scrolling through their page asking "Why not me? Why can't I have those ____? I bet people would like me more if I looked like that." Then the self doubt starts to creep in. The self hate starts to manifest. Next thing you know you're unhappy with your body. Although you've busted your behind to look your best, it's just not good enough.
When I recognized that I was questioning myself in ways similar to these I knew it was time to limit my Instagram. I had to unfollow some people, except for Miguel's girlfriend..I'm not giving her up lol. Seriously though, some people had to go. I was given THIS body for a reason. It was meant for me and my job is to treat is as well as I can. I must love it because I won't be getting another body in this lifetime. I can't look at how much people love and adore one fitness person and compare my life to that. Honestly I'm not built to work out all day, everyday. I like food and I like to make time to eat it lol.

::WRAP IT UP::
I say all this to say.... Love yourself. Treat yourself well. Take a break from Instagram from time to time. It's a highlight reel. Girls don't wake up with a full face of makeup on looking refreshed everyday and guys muscles don't glisten in the perfect light as they're stepping into the Lamborghini with their perfect woman everyday. We're all human beings. We all have flaws. You don't need the "Likes" to establish your worth. you'd be surprised how many people are paying attention to what your doing but just keep scrolling anyway. Go read a book at the park and bring yourself back to reality... maybe take a great photo after you're done lol.
Until Next time...
Desaree

Miss Understood

Before you read this please know that this was the hardest blog for me to write. It's honest. It's raw and it's still every much of what I'm dealing with. The judgement that can follow is a bit scary but I know that there's someone out there that can benefit from my story. There's someone who can use it and improve their situation or it may be the reason why someone doesn't give up. So... Here it is...

Growing up I have always been different from the crowd. There have been friends that have come along throughout the years who have made me feel "normal". People that you just connect with. People that understand you. People that can finish your sentence without explanation. Yes, I have been blessed to meet amazing friends along the way who could assist me in every single phase of my life.

Moving to NYC has been a journey and finding friends has been a difficult task to say the least. Now I know what your thinking, "You live in a city with millions of people and you can't find one friend?" New York City is full of people, bursting with energy and lots of opportunities.. this is true. However, New York City is a cold place. It forces individuals to build a wall in order to protect themselves from the cruel, dishonest and down right dirty situations and people that are encountered daily. So with that being said, no I haven't met a group of people that I feel completely understand me. I find that often when meeting people I am either perceived as fake because I'm nicer than most people or a little too forward because of the passive aggressive tone that most people have adopted.

I am different. I get it. But this has been very difficult. There has never been a time in my life when I couldn't find a safe haven. Growing up in a small town, going to a small HBCU and going back to my small town after graduating allowed me to be myself wholeheartedly. I was surrounded by like-minded people who could understand my thoughts. Who just got me. Of course there were the side eyes and haters along the way but nothing like what I'm experiencing now.

In ways I've become an introvert. I've become used to being by myself. Relying on myself. Most of my meaningful relationships are maintained through telephone conversations, which is great but it doesn't fill the void of having a group of friends that I can hang out with weekly or that I can call at the drop of a dime and have them meet up with me. After dealing with the awkward quietness that follows my comments in group convo's I've become very withdrawn. There's nothing more discouraging when trying to get to know new people than having them treat you as an outsider and blatantly show that they don't care about you being uncomfortable. After you add to the conversation and they stare at one another then continue to speak as if you're not standing there... That's crazy yo. I'm a woman with an opinion.. with wisdom and with a voice but it doesn't feel as though that's praised or appreciated. The general consensus seems to be "Let's all think alike." I would be okay with that hadn't my parents raised me to think differently. To follow the beat of my own drum. To dare to be different. To refuse to be a carbon copy. I can't spend my life being like everyone else. What makes me so special if I look, think and act like you? I hear the whispers when I walk in a room. I endured the months of cold shoulders after I spoke my mind in a meeting. I'm over it.

I don't want to sound ungrateful because I've met some beautiful people on my journey. Most of the models at Abercrombie helped maintain what little bit of sanity I had left during the time that I worked there. They made me laugh. They made me smile. They gave me hope that I could find someone who gets it. The frustrating part was that being their manager kept me from hanging out with them outside of work due to the no fraternizing policy. So when I would leave those doors I was alone again. Very few of the managers understood me. After vocalizing my opinions I had become the girl that was "hard to manage". Ha. Story of my life. I don't believe in sitting in bad situations and saying nothing because 'that's just the way it's been'. I'm sure I could've picked my battles a little better but I've never been the person who sits around and accepts less than what I deserve. I applaud people who climb the corporate ladder. But I won't do it being someone's bitch. The movers and the shakers of this world aren't the people who just deal with everything... they're the ones who step up and speak out.

Anywho... this is not a bash Abercrombie moment.. I don't have the time or the patience to type all of that out lol. I say all this to say, there are times when I'm lonely. There are times when I want to pack it all up and go home. But I don't. I stay and I fight. I cry. I wipe my tears. I keep going. Yes I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss being understood. But I have a purpose. This isn't just about me.

I don't want people to think I'm completely unhappy because I'm not. I enjoy this city. I enjoy all that it has to offer but it has taken me on a roller coaster. At times it felt like more valleys than hills but this is my story and I accept it. I love it and I learn from it. I'm not sure if I'm going to release this but... we'll see.

I'm a Slave to my Bra: The Busty Girl Chronicles

I'm pretty sure the ladies are intrigued from the title of this blog and well... the guys are thoroughly confused.  So let me explain....

I remember the day I grew boobs. And yes I mean day. It was as if I went to sleep on night and woke up with a B cup. It sounds like fun and games until I mention that I was in the 5th grade. After the first few times I caught pre-pubescent boys staring and practically drooling at the site of my newly developed bust, I began to cover my body with oversized shirts, sweatshirts and jackets. Anything I could do to get the attention off of these things that just decided to appear out of the blue made me feel partially normal. My mom would encourage me to buy minimizer bras to keep my breasts from looking even larger than they were on my small frame. She didn't know it then but hearing that word "minimizer" created an idea in my head that my breasts needed to either be smaller or hidden. Since a breast reduction was off the table due to a young age... hiding them with my new collection of minimizers was the way to go!

One day I visited my cousin Rene, who was also "blessed" with the overnight boob thing that had been passed down to us through genetics. She explained to me how she always slept in a bra especially since she didn't want "the ladies" to suffer the effects of gravity. Seeing as though Rene was like an older sister to me this all made perfect sense. Following that day I was not only worried about hiding these big things but keeping them from ending up on my knees because hey that's what kids think happens once you become "old". That was the beginning. The beginning of me becoming a slave to my bra.

From that point on there was never a night where I slept without it. I'd wake up in a bra. Take a shower. Get back into those cups. Go throughout my day. Go to sleep. Wake up and do the same. (Of course I switched bras during that time.. I hear you wondering about that) There have even been a few times where I've stepped into the shower with my bra on because it felt like it was part of my anatomy. When I started cheerleading in the 7th grade I became the girl who needed TWO bras to have to sense of security and support that I needed. There's nothing like changing in a locker room with girls and having to explain why you need not one but two bras, especially when most of them are still wearing training bras.

One day in high school I walked into Victoria's Secret and as you ladies know, the employee pulled out her measuring tape and informed me that I was now a DD and the feeling of terror immediately followed. Me? DD? Why?!? From that day on if a shirt didn't have a built in bra, I didn't buy it. If a dress required me to go without one, I wasn't wearing it. You just could not convince me that I didn't look like a "saggy boob lady" after removing my support system. I had very few friends who could actually understand my plight. Oh and let's not mention the countless times I've gone swimsuit shopping with friends only to be let down when the store didn't have a XL top to accompany my small bottoms.

Now in my 20's I have decided to rid myself of my fears and free myself from the restraints of my bra.
(Insert dramatic superhero music)
I've accepted that my boobs will be stared at AND they're also a great asset when my friends and I don't feel like waiting in line at the club. My bra has been a security blanket but I've learned that it's absolutely okay to take it off during down time. Sleeping in a bra isn't healthy for many reasons anyway. From time to time "saggy boob lady", whoever she is, pops in my head.. but I've learned that it's nothing a good workout can't handle. In more extreme cases I can always find a surgeon who will nip and tuck these things back to perfection lol. I say all of this to say that we as women have to accept our bodies for what they are. Stop hiding behind everything and flaunt what you've got (tastefully of course... and not for Instagram either). There are women PAYING for what some of us are blessed with naturally. Enjoy your assets.. you may not have them forever.

If you're that young girl who's stuck in your bra just like I was.. please know that it's okay to be where you are. A lot of other girls may not understand but you don't have to hide anything about yourself. Gravity will not be setting in anytime and guys will stare at your boobs no matter what size they are.. they just can't help it lol.

Thanks for reading!
Stay Inspired.
Desarée

One of My Favorite Poems....

Through life there will be times where you have to encourage yourself. This poem always gets me through my rough times. I hope that it resonates with you and stays fresh in your mind especially at times when you need it most.....

Don't You Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

Life is queer with its twists and turns,As every one of us sometimes learns,When he might have won had he stuck it out.Don't give up though the pace seems slow -Often the struggler has given upWhe he might have captured the victor's cup;The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,And you never can tell how close you are,

Signed A Twenty Something Woman With No Children and No Husband...

Life has a beautiful way of teaching you lessons. You can spend your whole life thinking that you want something only to find out later that you want the exact opposite.
This morning I logged on to Facebook to see two announcements of engagement. One, a picture showcasing a gorgeous ring and the other of a friend from home that brought me to tears as I watched him declare is love for his now fiancée in front of their friends and family. It's no secret that I want to be married and have a family. I know that I was built to be a great wife and the coolest mom ever but as I sit and watch people I know embark on new journeys day to day on social media I can't help but wonder why not me? Why haven't I arrived yet? I know I deserve all that I dream of but why hasn't it happened yet?

This is a conversation I've had with my close friends and I think I've found the answer. We all want what we want but life is about timing. I remember my senior year of college I planned on moving to NYC within a year of graduation. My work was wrapping up and all I could see on the other side was my modeling career. Looking in hindsight it is apparent that if that happened I would've crashed and burned. Outside of the fact that this great city is a beast, there were things I needed to go through, people I needed to meet, lives that I needed to touch prior to my arrival in the Big Apple. If I had embarked on this journey prematurely I know that I'd be in a completely different place in life.

Despite my ticking biological clock that family and friends remind me of when they ask "So are you next?", "When are you going to have some children... you know you aren't getting any younger!" oh and of course the "No man wants a woman who is too busy." I feel really good about my situation. What these people can't seeing is that I'm building an empire here. Not only do I want to give my children the things I never had I also want to make sure I give them ME. I want to my husband to feel like he has my time and knows that I am present. Of course with the industry I am in it will require me to be pulled in directions the average person isn't but hey so what? If my best is given and my future family is taken care of I'm good. I may want the big house, great relationship and a fish (I'm working on becoming a dog person lol) but is my timing correct? I can't imagine lugging a stroller on the subway as I go to castings or trying to find a babysitter everytime I get called away. Let's not forget about these student loans that are running my life!

I say all of this to say... it's okay. It's okay to be non-traditional. It's okay to be the odd ball. As long as your making strides in the right direction and doing all the things you need to line yourself up with your future plans YOU'RE GOOD. Have a blessed one.

Signed,
A Twenty Something Woman With No Children, No Husband and is Just Fine With All That.

When Dreams Become Reality...

*Cuts on Empire State of Mind*

Hey guys! It's been a while. Much has changed and I can't wait to share.

If you would have told me one year ago that I'd be where I am today I wouldn't believe you. Life has a way to picking you up and throwing you around just so you can land on your feet. A week after moving to the city of bright lights I was connected to a modeling agency. After meeting them and learning that they wanted to work with me I thought that I had arrived. In my mind I would be sent to castings and immediately book them because of the hunger to win that lived inside of me. However after being called "plus size", being told to get on a diet in front of a room of people by a reality tv star and being told I don't have the right to choose what I will and will not do when it comes to my body because I'm a new model I found myself at an all-time low.

You see people have a way of breaking you down. After hearing something countless times you will start to believe it if you don't have the strength to dismiss those ideas down in your mind. After failing to book countless jobs and ending the year with $78 in my bank account I found myself working part-time for $9 an hour and unhappy. I hadn't found a way to make friends and loved ones from home saw visiting me as a trek halfway across the globe so loneliness set in as well.

Telling this story is not to make you all sad or pity me... or to ask anyone for money (unless you'd like to donate to my student loans than email me lol) but to shed some light on a few things.

After a few months of being part-time I was promoted to a manager which was definitely a much needed financial "come up". By March it had been months since I attended a casting or had a photoshoot. Financially I was feeling more secure however the frustrations of knowing that I moved to NYC to take my career by storm was haunting me. Daily I found myself in the midst of everyday conversations models from all over the world because it is my job to build relationships with my associates. At times I found myself a little frustrated because they were doing the exact thing I wanted to but happy to have people to talk to. And then one day something happened...

After running my mouth with one of the models she asked me "Why are you not signed to an agency? I've seen your work and you're amazing." I replied "I've tried so many times. I haven't had much luck.   I feel like I need middle man to get me in because I go to open calls and they like me but after seeing my book they say no." And then she said the unexpected "Well girl you're in luck! I'm best friends with one of the scouts from MSA and I can get you in. I'll show her your work!" I quickly thanked here and told her I'd give her any type of photo she needed yet in the back of my mind it sounded too good to be true. Flash forward to about a week or so. I received a text from that same young lady explaining that she showed her friend my Instagram and she wants me to come to open calls.

Excuse me while I faint. In that very moment a dark time in my life became so bright. After months of struggling with the of idea packing my things up and heading back home, the light at the end of the tunnel had shown itself. For about two weeks excitement and anxiety wrecked havoc through my body. I was happy that I finally had this opportunity but the chance that I could be rejected again didn't seem so appealing. After deciding it was now or never I attended Open Calls.

The day of Open Calls I arrived to a line of prospective models wrapped around a tight hallway. As I assumed my position alllll the way in the back I began to pray. Whenever I do anything major I pray the same prayer... "Dear Lord I thank you for this opportunity and for bringing me here today. Lord I know what I want and I would love to do this but if it's not in your will I don't want it. Lead and direct my path and give me the discernment to know what is for me. I may not be pleased if I don't get it but I trust your will and I know you'll always have something. In Jesus name Amen." Shortly after my talk with Jesus an intern came out and collected my statistics and portfolio.

That was the longest wait of my life. With no expectations I awaited the verdict of them wanting to work with me or not. The same intern appeared and called me to sit in the waiting area. As I shouted with joy on the inside I pranced to the front of the line. Five minutes later a new woman came out of a glass door and said "I'm sorry but it's going to have to be a no today" with no emotion. (Insert playing violin) On the inside I was confused and conflicted. I had said the prayer but I didn't expect that answer from God lol. Instantaneously I heard the voice of my best friend saying "Don't you leave that office without getting some answers." The same intern who let me in the office then appeared of the elevator. I asked her if I was supposed to wait to see the scout that asked me to come in. The intern asked the secretary to call upstairs and after being told "Just take her pictures or something" I knew it was my time to PERFORM. After giving all the face and smizes I could in 5 snapshots they took the camera upstairs to be viewed. As they stepped off the elevator and said "She'll see you now" (Insert "Turn Up" Music) I was in a state of shock and confusion. That was a Tuesday... on Friday I was sent my first official contract.

This story is not to boast or to rub my success in anyones face. This story is to motivate and encourage anyone with a dream to keep going. I was at my lowest of lows during my first year of living in the concrete jungle. This place can definitely eat you alive. HOWEVER through mustard seed faith (because that's all I had left) and perseverance I finally got what I've been fighting 6 years for. I was supposed to sign with this same agency 5 years ago but things fell through with the connection I had. Life is all about timing and even though I thought I was ready then.. I wasn't. I say all this to say no matter how off course you may feel continue to do what you can. Even if it's a baby step you have to know that the step you're taking is towards a greater goal. People are quick to tell you that you can't do something but when you accomplish it they're the first to say "See I knew you could do it!" -_- All the people can be against you but if you're on your team you're already winning. You have to be your own biggest cheerleader because there will be times where all you have is yourself. You owe yourself the chance to open your wings and take flight. There will be many risks and failures along the way but they're all learning opportunities. Don't sell yourself short and wake up a 50 year old wondering where the time went. Time stops for no one.

Okay I'm done preaching lol.
Until Next time...